fun in the news

Reading through the paper, came across some fun stories:
Parent: Teacher's comparison of son to monkey offensive
Apparently, this kid wasnot paying attention in Band, and the teacher said someting to the effect of "A monkey could do better than you."
While apparently, the word 'monkey' has some racist undertones, I don't see how this was racist. The kid was screwing around, and the teacher tried to get his attention. What the hell kind of weak kids are we dealing with that can't take a little criticism? I have been hit by teachers, and no one got sued.
along similar lines:
Lancaster students suspended for not studying
This is the same school that suspended students for not doing work that had been assigned over the summer. Enough parents bitched that they weren't 'notified' that the school relented. This time, the school gave parents plenty of warning, and still 20% of students didn't do work assigned over the Christmas break. So, they were suspended. Cause-Effect. And of course, the parents are mad at the kids for not doing what they were supposed to, right? WRONG! The parents are mad that the school assigned work to students over the holiday. Keep in mind that according to school officials, these kids are reading below grade level. The work during holidays is to help bring them up to the appropriate level. God forbid these kids work a little to achieve something.
Ok, on a lighter note, here's some other headlines:
-Bird flu unnerves Turkey's neighbors wow. huh? Did someone ask the chicken what he thought?
-Survey: Being fat is no big deal in U.S. Um, have you looked around lately?